Hey, Mr. Magician -- for your next trick, could you saw this Hellparent in half?

I was once watching a big-production magic show and the magician asked for a child from the audience to volunteer to come on stage. A father came running up to the front of the theater carrying a little boy who was crying and thrashing, obviously not wanting to volunteer (to put it mildly). The magician nicely pointed out that he'd rather not have any volunteers that were there against their will, and the father returned to his seat, still carrying the crying (but, at least, no longer struggling) child.